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Divorce can be a challenging chapter in anyone’s life, but as a stay-at-home mom, you may face unique concerns. You've dedicated your time to nurturing your family, and now it’s time to focus on nurturing you and your future.
Whether a divorce is something you've been considering for awhile now, or if the idea of one was just sprung on you by your spouse, taking action and preparing A.S.A.P. is the best investment you can make in your future.
Even in the most amicable of circumstances, the idea of divorce brings up a lot of fears and anxieties. The best way to combat them is through education and preparation. Taking action will not only give you a focus during an uneasy time in life, it puts you in the position to take your next steps with purpose so you make a plan that puts you in the best position moving forward.
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Facing a divorce, stay-at-home moms often worry about financial independence, re-entering the workforce, securing childcare, and navigating the legalities of separation. It's a profound shift, filled with uncertainties about the future and concerns about maintaining stability for themselves and their children.
At The Divorce Planner, we're dedicated to providing the tools, guidance, and support needed to conquer these fears. If you're feeling scared and alone in this moment, remember -- you're not alone on this journey.
Here's a comprehensive guide to help stay-at-home moms prepare for divorce, covering everything from emotional preparedness to financial planning.
Divorce marks the beginning of a new chapter, filled with opportunities for growth, learning, and empowerment. For stay-at-home moms, this transition can seem daunting—especially when it comes to financial independence and planning for the future. But equipped with the right information and resources, you can navigate this journey with resilience and confidence.
Financial Foundations: Divorce Financial Planning
Taming your financial fears should be the first order of the day when preparing for divorce. Remember that knowledge is power. Understanding where you stand financially is the first step in taking control.
Action Items:
Assess Your Finances: Begin by taking stock of your assets, debts, and potential sources of income. This includes everything from savings accounts to household expenses.
Budget for the Future: Develop a budget that reflects your post-divorce life. Factor in expenses like housing, utilities, food, and personal care.
Level Up: Think long term when financially planning during divorce.
The Divorce Planner's Monthly Budget Calculator walks you through every possible expense and does the math for you! How's that for easy?!
If Your Spouse is in Charge of the Finances
If your spouse has traditionally managed the family finances, it's essential to get up to speed as quickly as possible. Begin by gathering all financial documents, understanding your current financial situation, and familiarizing yourself with both your intertwined and individual financial pictures. (See documentation below for a detailed list of what to collect!) If your spouse has traditionally managed the finances, start by familiarizing yourself with all financial accounts, assets, and liabilities.
Accessing all bank accounts, retirement accounts, and debt statements is crucial for a clear financial picture. Obtain copies of tax returns from the past few years to understand your household's income and significant expenses. Knowledge is power, and having a complete overview of your financial situation is the first step toward independence.
Since financial knowledge is foundational to negotiating a fair settlement, consider partnering with a divorce financial planning coach, CDFA or other professional familiar with divorce scenarios for guidance.
Mastering the Balancing Act: Separating Emotion from Business
Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster, but when it comes to the practical steps, it’s helpful to think of yourself as the CEO of your own transition. The emotional rollercoaster of a divorce can be overwhelming, but allowing yourself to process these emotions is crucial.
Maintaining a positive mindset amidst divorce challenges is empowering. Re-frame this transition as an opportunity for growth and reinvention. Set small, achievable goals for yourself, and celebrate each accomplishment, however small.
Seek support from a trusted therapist, divorce coach, or join a support group where you can share your experiences and gain insights from others in similar situations. Recognizing and accepting your feelings as valid can empower you to make decisions with clarity.
Action Items:
Establish Your Support System: Enlist friends, family, or a therapist to help manage the emotional aspects.
Keep Records Separate: Document your divorce proceedings in writing, and maintain a clear record of all communications.
Self-Care For The Win: Caring for your physical and mental health is paramount during divorce. Establish a routine that includes activities you love, whether that's spending time outdoors, reading, or practicing yoga. Self-care isn't a luxury—it's a necessity that fosters resilience and clarity.
Childcare Contingencies: Planning for and Around Your Little Ones
As a stay-at-home mom, adjusting to new childcare dynamics can be challenging. Research childcare options in your area, including costs and flexibility, to find the best fit for your family. Consider how your career plans might influence your childcare needs and include these considerations in any legal agreements or negotiations.
Action Items:
Explore Childcare Options: Research local childcare services, after-school programs, or consider enlisting the help of family and friends.
Create a Plan B: Always have a backup for those unforeseen gaps in childcare. Cultivate a list of reliable babysitters or neighbors who can step in when needed.
Stepping Back into the Workforce
Your value in the workforce is immeasurable, and it’s time to let it shine once more. Re-entering the workforce or adjusting your career path post-divorce is a journey of self-discovery. Update your resume, highlight any volunteer work or projects during your time at home, and explore additional certifications or training that could enhance your employment prospects. Networking is key—reach out to former colleagues, join professional groups, and consider career counseling to explore new opportunities.
Action Items:
Update Your Resume: Highlight your skills and any volunteer work or projects you managed while at home.
Tap Into Networks: Reconnect with former colleagues, join professional groups, or attend networking events relevant to your field.
Level Up: Consider additional training or certifications to update your knowledge and increase your employability.
You can start adding income to your budget by charging for services you might already be doing! Check out the post 15 Perfect Side Hustles For Mom's From Parents & Yahoo News featuring The Divorce Planner's founder, divorce prep coach Alex Beattie!
Essential Document Organization: Your Paperwork Compass
Having your documents in order can be incredibly reassuring AND puts you in the best position to understand your current financial realities, assets and debts. All that, and you'll have everything necessary in hand to turn over to a divorce attorney or mediator so they can get right to work -- saving you time and money in billable hours!
Make Sure To Collect:
Financial documents
Property deeds and mortgage documents
Debts and liabilities information
Prenuptial or post-nuptial agreements
Any court documents related to the divorce or custody matters
Retirement account statements
Insurance policies
List of your assets (Click HERE for an easy to use asset log)
An accurate accounting of your finances (This monthly budget calculator walks you through all of your expenses, and adds everything up for you!)
Any other relevant documents related to your case
Action Items:
Gather Necessary Documents: Compile all important paperwork, such as tax returns, bank statements, marriage certificates, and legal documents.
Safe Storage: Keep these documents in a secure yet accessible place, like a locked file cabinet or a digital cloud service like 1Password (paid subscription) or Google Cloud (free).
Level Up: Adding divorce preparation to your already long to-do list can feel daunting, that's why The Divorce Planner has simplified what to do with our Ultimate Separation & Divorce Prep Course. Master your divorce preparation and financial planning with our comprehensive online course. Once completed you'll have financial clarity and confidence, as well as everything necessary for a divorce attorney or mediator to get to work. Win-Win!
Connecting with a Divorce Attorney
Choosing when to meet with a divorce attorney is a pivotal decision in this journey. Understanding your rights and obligations within the legal framework of divorce is imperative. Seek a reputable divorce attorney who resonates with your approach to divorce—whether it's collaborative, mediated, or litigated. Legal counsel can guide you through the process, ensuring that you're making informed decisions every step of the way.
Action Items:
Consultations are Key: Look for a lawyer who offers an initial free consultation. This can give you a sense of what to expect without financial commitment.
Ask the Right Questions: Prepare a list of questions that address your concerns, such as custody, support, and your rights as a stay-at-home mom.
Level Up: Check out the post What To Expect When Meeting with Divorce Attorneys for insights on what to expect and ways to pick the right person to represent you.
Once you've done your divorce preparation, hired the right person to represent you during divorce, it's time to focus on approaching negotiations with a clear strategy. List your priorities and what you're willing to compromise on. With your attorney's help, formulate a plan that considers your immediate needs, long-term financial security, and the well-being of your children.
PRO TIP! Want to ensure you make the best decisions during divorce? Learn how the 5-5-5 Strategy benefits you when making short term and long term decisions during divorce negotiations.
Embracing and Building Resilience Through Change
Change, while daunting, is also a powerful vehicle for personal growth and resilience. When we lean into change instead of fight it, we're in the best position to move through it with clarity.
Action Items:
Embrace the New: Try out activities that interest you but you never had the time for. They can be as simple as reading a new book or taking a fitness class.
Stay Positive: Cultivate a positive mindset by practicing gratitude or journaling your journey.
Level Up: Practicing gratitude has been proven to build resilience and strength, two things you need when navigating a big life change like a divorce. Download The Divorce Planner's free gratitude journal to start incorporating this practice into your daily life. The digital journal can be used on a
Focusing on Your Divorce Goals: The Compass for Your Future
Remember, you are navigating towards your goals – both personal and financial. Having a clear understanding of what your divorce goals are before starting the process allows you to work toward achieving those goals with every decision you make during your divorce.
Action Items:
Write Down Your Goals: Keep them in a place you’ll see daily to maintain focus on your future.
Break Goals Down: Create manageable tasks that will help you meet your larger objectives.
Level Up: Listen to this episode of the Divorce & Beyond Podcast with top divorce mediator Susan Guthrie and guest, Divorce Planner founder Alex Beattie. Alex shares how focusing on your future is your secret weapon during divorce.
Embrace the changes and freedoms that come with your new life. Explore interests and hobbies you've set aside, and consider how you want to shape your future. Rebuilding life after divorce is a process—be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey.
"Divorce is an opportunity to build a life that authentically aligns with who you are." - Alex Beattie, Divorce Prep Coach
Honoring the Space to Grieve: It’s Okay to Mourn
Even in the most amicable of splits people can be surprised to find feelings of grief popping up. Grief is a natural part of the process. It’s important to create space to acknowledge the life you thought you’d have. How To Prepare For Divorce Ultimate Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms | Expert Tips 2024
Action Items:
Allow Yourself to Feel: It’s healthy to feel a range of emotions. This isn't weakness; it’s an aspect of healing. Acknowledging when those feelings come up is an important part of working through the process. Don't suppress, express.
Seek Support When Needed: Whether it’s friends, family, coaches, or therapy it's essential to have a compassionate ear when needed.
Level Up: Listen to the tips and tools relationship coach Kim Polinder shared about how to deal with feelings of grief and shame that come up during divorce in this 20 minute conversation.
Addressing Retirement Plans
For stay-at-home moms, addressing retirement planning during a divorce is crucial. Often overlooked in settlement negotiations, ensuring that you have a portion of your spouse's retirement savings can secure your financial future. Engage a financial planner to understand your options—whether it's through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) for dividing retirement benefits or other means of securing your retirement needs.
One Last Thought
You are embarking on a powerful journey. The path might not always be smooth, but just like any seasoned planner knows, preparation is key. With each step, you are building a future brimming with possibility. Embrace this transition -- its not what defines you, but an experience you’re moving through.
Here at The Divorce Planner, we’re committed to walking beside you, making divorce planning accessible, and helping you write the best next chapter of your life.
This guide serves as a starting point. Each divorce situation is unique, and it's essential to consult with legal and financial professionals for advice specific to your circumstances.