Divorce Prep for Stay-at-Home Moms: Critical Legal & Financial Strategies | 2025 Guide

Watch the above 20 minute conversation to learn expert tips for SAHMs facing divorce.

Navigating Divorce as a Stay-at-Home Mom: Key Insights from Family Law Attorney Sharie Reyes Albers

When you're facing divorce as a stay-at-home mom, the financial and legal landscape can feel overwhelming. Without your own income stream and possibly years away from career growth, divorce presents the stay-at-home mom unique challenges that working spouses simply don't encounter. In this recent conversation with family law attorney Sharie Reyes Albers, you'll learn critical strategies and insights that every stay-at-home mom should consider when considering or preparing for divorce.

The Unique Financial Position of Stay-at-Home Moms

Stay-at-home moms often approach divorce from a position of financial vulnerability. Years dedicated to family care rather than career building can create significant knowledge gaps during negotiations, especially around finances.

As Sharie explains, "If you are the one thinking about divorce and you're the stay-at-home mom, then try to take the advantage of planning because a lot of the times the stay-at-home moms are not involved in the financial aspect. So they don't know what accounts exist."

This knowledge gap isn't something to feel ashamed about. As we discussed in our conversation, many family dynamics involve one spouse managing finances while the other focuses on childcare and household management. The key is to start gathering information now, regardless of your previous involvement.

Financial Preparation: Your First Priority

The most immediate concern for many stay-at-home moms facing divorce is financial survival. Without independent income, how will you support yourself and your children during and after divorce?

Taking Inventory of Financial Accounts

Sharie advises a proactive approach to financial discovery: "Start looking into the mail. Start trying to figure that out. Take account of what if you see like a Charles Schwab account maybe you never knew about it but start collecting those pieces."

She recommends creating a system to track what you find: "Make a little chart whether it's a spreadsheet or a word document, start keeping that information. What is out there because that'll help your attorney to say 'Hey I know he banks at Bank of America or she banks at City Bank.' Then at least we know we can do a subpoena to get that information."

Tax returns are particularly valuable sources of information. As one of our viewers noted, getting the last three years of tax returns can provide crucial insights into financial accounts and assets.

Understanding Your Legal Rights to Support

One of the biggest misconceptions about spousal support is that it's something to be ashamed of or avoided. In reality, support acknowledges the valuable contributions you've made to the family.

Shie explains how courts view stay-at-home parents: "At least in my state of Virginia they do look at the financial and non-financial contributions to the marriage. That includes raising the children. So I like to call my stay-at-home moms they're not part of the paid workforce but they are working, and that is something they get credit for because their careers are being put on the back burner to raise their children."

She emphasizes how courts recognize the career sacrifices made: "They're making valid contributions. Other things they look at is you know they're at home raising kids, their spouse is able to advance their career because how would they do that without the support at home."

Common Financial Mistakes to Avoid

When navigating divorce negotiations, stay-at-home moms sometimes make decisions that can harm their long-term financial security. Sharie identified several critical errors to avoid:

"Sometimes people do play depends on like their priorities like 'I want custody of the kids' right, so they may not go after the support fully," she explains. "A big error here at least in my state is you can wave spouse support and if you do that you don't get another chance to get it."

She advises looking at the complete financial picture: "Not looking at how much support they could receive... Not looking at what they would financially need to because divorce is a big event. It's a big financial event where you're taking a single income household and now making two."

Her recommendation? Start doing financial planning. Look down and say what do I actually need to survive. And figure out your goals from there as well."

Protecting Your Rights During Separation

Many stay-at-home moms worry about immediate financial security during the separation period. They often hear threats like "You're not getting anything. You never worked. It's all mine. It all ends."

Sharie offers reassurance about these situations: "In Virginia anything gained during the marriage whether it was like a giant bank account or a retirement account that was funded through the husband or wife's whoever is a non-staying parent their income, that's marital funds whether that bank account's titled in husband or ex-wife's name."

She explains that legal protections exist: "We have a process called a motion for pendente lite relief. Basically fancy for saying while the matter is pending you can go ask for that temporary spouse support. You can go ask for that temporary child support. And then you can ask for things like continue paying the rent continue paying the mortgage. Oh and I need advanced attorneys fees too."

Housing Rights During Divorce

Housing stability is another major concern, especially for mothers with children. Many wonder if they can remain in the family home during proceedings.

Sharie addresses this concern: "With kids stability and consistency is key with custody." She explains that in Virginia, "If someone says get out of the house and you leave they could potentially arguably make an argument for abandonment desertion, and they can't kick you out of the house. We do a lot of in-home separations here."

She also notes that courts can help establish housing rights: "You can ask for exclusive use and possession of the home to say I need to be here and it's not a great living environment for the kids for him to still be here."

Healthcare and Retirement Concerns

Two major expenses that stay-at-home moms often worry about after divorce are healthcare and retirement. Without their own employer-provided benefits, how will these needs be met?

For healthcare, Sharie explains: "Health insurance under Virginia code they have to keep you on the health insurance until final entry of the order of divorce. Okay so that could be like a year could be year two." She adds that sometimes "we have agreed to trying to reach out to that ex-spouse's health insurance when they're divorced to see if they can still join on the plan."

She also offers a creative solution: "Some have agreed that that ex-spouse will maintain that health insurance policy as a form of spouse support in addition to a monthly amount."

Regarding retirement, she explains: "In Virginia you're capped up to 50% of each other's retirement. So the stay-at-home mom is going to get a piece of the pie from that ex-spouse. They will be getting retirement into their own retirement account at the end of the divorce unless they wave it, which don't do that."

Managing Emotions During Negotiations

Divorce negotiations can trigger intense emotions, especially when discussing financial security and parenting time. Sharie recommends building a support system: "I always say it's good to try to have a good support system, someone to talk it through with whether that's a close friend family member therapist, someone to be a sounding board for you because there needs to be some sort of release of that emotion."

She emphasizes the value of preparation: "The more you're prepared the more you feel like you're in control and the less anxiety you would have. Less anxiety is less emotion."

Value Your Contributions

Perhaps most importantly, Sharie emphasizes that being a stay-at-home parent strengthens your position in divorce proceedings: "That's the stronger position for custody and visitation. Honestly that's at the front end of the divorce process. That's the more that's a stronger argument of saying you need support too because you don't have the income coming in. You're doing the unpaid work."

As we discussed in our conversation, "that other high earning breadwinning parent could not be in that position without the role you play." Your contributions have real value, both emotionally and financially.

Comprehensive Resources for Stay-at-Home Moms

While this post highlights key insights from our conversation with Shie Reese Alers, we recognize that navigating divorce as a stay-at-home mom requires detailed guidance across multiple domains.

For a complete roadmap through this process, our Complete Divorce Preparation Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms provides detailed strategies for each stage of preparation, from financial planning to emotional wellbeing.

Remember that preparation is "the anxiety tamer." By taking proactive steps to understand your financial situation, legal rights, and options, you transform from a position of vulnerability to one of informed empowerment.

For personalized guidance on your specific situation, schedule a free 15 minute consultation with divorce prep coach Alex Beattie, founder of The Divorce Planner.