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Divorce can make the most centered person feel off kilter. You might be feeling like a deer in headlights -- at the mercy of high priced attorneys, and constantly questioning what you have any control over!
I'm going to let you in an a little secret... YOU have the power to become your own best advocate during divorce.
Yes, you.
In this post we highlight the top 10 ways to advocate for yourself during a divorce, providing actionable steps and emphasizing how taking action now can help you achieve clarity and a sense of empowerment that will put you in the best position to become your own best advocate during divorce and allow you to take an active role with your divorce attorney or mediator.
1. Educate Yourself on the Process
Knowledge is power. The first step to advocating for yourself is to understand the divorce process in your jurisdiction. This includes knowing your rights, understanding potential outcomes, and being aware of the steps involved. Having a basic understanding of what the laws in your state are give you a foundation of what to expect during divorce negotiations.
Do This: Start by reading educational resources and blogs (like those found on The Divorce Planner!).
Make a list of questions you have and seek those answers from reliable sources, not just your Uncle Billy and co-worker Lisa. Every divorce is different, so make sure you get answers about your specific situation.
Level Up: Subscribe to The Divorce Planner's newsletter and get divorce prep tips, tools and insights into the process delivered right to your inbox!
2. Organize Your Finances
Divorce and money are one of the most triggering aspects of the process. Financial preparedness is crucial. Understanding your current financial situation, future needs, and the implications divorce may have on both is essential.
When you take the time to figure out how much money you have coming in and out every month, you can anticipate the changes divorce will bring and make a plan. Action is the only way to tame those financial fears that creep in at the worst possible moments. Don't let them control you.
Do This: Create a comprehensive budget of your assets, liabilities, income, and expenses.
Level Up: This Monthly Budget Spreadsheet walks you through every possible living expense, personal expense, debts, kid expenses, income and more to give you a to the penny picture of your current standard of living and does all the math for you! How's that for easy?!
3. Establish Clear Goals
The number one way to ensure you get the outcome you want from your divorce is by identifying your divorce goals and priorities right from the jump. Knowing what you want to achieve from the outset can guide your decisions throughout the divorce AND save you time and money by cutting down on back-and-forth's with attorneys and mediators that can quickly run your bill up!
Give early thought to parenting arrangements, property division, and financial settlements.
Do This: Write down your divorce non-negotiables and what you are willing to negotiate on.
Want to get your desired outcome from your divorce? Invest in early preparation, and separate the emotional side of divorce from the business side!
Level Up: Take control of your divorce with The Divorce Planner's resident divorce prep coach Alex Beattie's coaching services to help establish and prioritize your goals, gain financial clarity, and help you take control of the preparation process to you get the outcome you want from your divorce.
4. Build a Support System
Divorce can be an isolating experience. Having a support network, including friends, family, and divorce coaches can provide emotional and practical support.
Do This: Reach out to trusted individuals who can offer support - friends, family and co-workers to name a few. And consider joining a support group, either in person or online.
5. Hire the Right Professionals
Your legal and financial counsel will play significant roles in your divorce. It's important to choose professionals who are not only skilled but also align with your approach and goals.
Do This: Interview multiple professionals before making a decision. Hiring the right representation is like dating, you're going to meet a few before finding the right fit!
Level Up: Take a deeper dive in the post What To Expect When Meeting With Divorce Attorneys And Mediators.
FREEBIE ALERT!
Download The Divorce Planner’s 24 Questions To Ask A Divorce Attorney Or Mediator for questions to ask and a place to keep all of your thoughts and meeting notes!
6. Practice Self-Care
Taking care of your physical and emotional health is vital. Stress from the divorce process can take a toll on your well-being. Self-care is crucial for preserving your mental and emotional health throughout a divorce. It helps you deal with the stress, sadness, and the unpredictability that frequently comes with the end of a marriage. By prioritizing self-care during this process, you'll be equipped to face the emotional ups and downs of divorce more effectively, which puts you in the best position to make smart choices during divorce negotiations and start the healing process.
Do This: Implement a daily routine that includes activities for stress relief and self-care like: exercise, journal writing, meditation, therapy, support groups, divorce coaching, and getting out into nature.
Level Up: Read the post Divorce Self-Care Toolkit with 6 ways to incorporate self-care it into your life during a breakup.
7. Communicate Effectively
Whether with your spouse, children, or legal team, effective communication is key. It’s important to be clear, calm, and constructive.
Do This: Before any significant discussions or meetings, outline your points and run everything through the 5-5-5 Rule. As yourself how will this effect me in five days, five weeks, and five years.
Level Up: Read more about the 5-5-5 Rule in the post Master Divorce Decisions With The 5-5-5 Rule.
8. Stay Organized
Keeping track of documents, statements, dates, and information will help you feel in control and prepared at every turn. All that, and you'll have everything at your fingertips when talking to divorce attorneys or mediators. Win-win!
Do This: Download The Divorce Planner's digital and printable tools to organize documents and assets as well as keep track of important dates and tasks.
9. Focus on the Future
While it’s necessary to deal with the immediate tasks at hand, keeping a long-term perspective is crucial for making decisions that benefit your future.
Do This: Divorce is the PERFECT time for deep introspection and positive change. When everything is unknown, that's when you get to create the best version of what's to come.
Level Up: Check in with yourself and ask these questions:
Am I living a life that aligns with my core values and beliefs?• What do I want my life to look like after divorce?
What are the top 5 things that bring me joy and how can I incorporate them into my life everyday?
What things currently steal my joy, and how can I remove them from my life after divorce?
When you identify the above before starting the divorce process, you put yourself in the best position to create not only the best version of yourself, but you're most authentic life. Envision where you want to be post-divorce and the steps required to get there.
Level Up - The Divorce Planner’s online course can provide step by step guidance, worksheets and spreadsheets to help you organize the emotional side and the business side, and actionable strategies to help you get the outcome you want!
10. Advocate for Yourself in Negotiations
Being your own advocate means standing up for your interests and rights, especially when it comes to negotiations. That starts with preparing BEFORE starting the negotiation process.
Do This: Prepare for negotiations by thoroughly understanding your rights, assets realities, and desired outcome.
Level Up: Check out this detailed post with 6 Tips To Get The Outcome You Want During Divorce Negotiations.
In navigating the complexities of divorce, equipping yourself with the right information, tools, and support is essential. The Divorce Planner not only offers insights through their extensive blog but also provides digital tools, an online course, and personalized coaching to guide you through the process with financial clarity and a strategy tailored to your needs.
For more divorce preparation tips and to stay updated on our latest blog posts, subscribe to our newsletter!
Invest in yourself by exploring how The Divorce Planner can empower you during this challenging time, ensuring you come out stronger on the other side.